Leave me alone!

Rigid about people I want in my life, rigid about managing social relationships my way, rigid about following societal norms as I see fit, rigid about not pretending, rigid about not caring (if I genuinely don't), rigid about living life as I think is best for me!

I have been given an earful by many about how I deal with society in general...I have had to sit through sermon-like monologues, explaining why society is important and why I can not decide to not march along with it. When the all this talk seem to have no impact on me, I am subjected to the following: "treat this society as a network and networking helps - not just in personal life, but also professional"...I haven't understood this and don't think I would anytime anyway!

I don't look in the mirror and see a rebel or a crusader - I have nothing against the society per se, I don't wake up every morning and plan to take down 'the man' - I don't have a secret parallel life - spent planning a societal overhaul (though this may not be such a bad idea)....all that I have against society is its wish to burden me with its expectations to do what it thinks is best.

There are small things, in a bigger picture sense - inconsequential things...be polite to an inconsiderate neighbour, just because he's elder (not elderly)...well, I can't see any improvement my pretended politeness has had in his behaviour...or attend my dad's boss' son's wedding / attend my friend's daughter's first birthday party (really now!)...I could do all that, if I wanted to - but honestly, I don't! I can't figure out what my presence brings to any such event, since I am sure it doesn't matter if I am there or not (for the event to take place)  - thus, as I see, there's no point for me to be there.

Unfortunately, our first life lessons are on societal norms and not on how to be civil. We are taught what ought to be done to keep the society appeased than think of making it better. It is ingrained in us that we, as individuals, are merely a speck in the universe and it is the society that gives us identity and is proof of our existence. Isn't that actually an exact opposite - it is the individual that gives society its identity and thus society exists because of the individuals.

I look around and see people moving around as horses run - with blinders strapped on...with society their jockey, dictating every move they make...the pace with which they move, the direction they move in and finally, when & where the race ends. I can't be apologetic for wanting more from my life, for knowing more can be done and achieved...even if that means I am branded unsocial! I have observed that the more social I try to get, the more pretentious I become. I am not a good actor - nor some one who can mask his feelings, especially when I am feeling disgusted!

I am and will be fine - left alone and allowed to be me, with people I care for and the 'limited' number of people who, still do and would continue to, care for me...